Maybe tropical storms should be assigned numbers and not names and other thoughts...

Yes, I am back and it really has been too long but like the jilted lover I return no less wise from the absence to my bizarre bed fellow of a blog. (I type this in a bunk bed by the way which is also an annoyance but a story for another time.)

I'm slightly bothered by the naming of the most recent tropical storm/hurricane/tornadocane, or whatever you want to call it. This is because it was named 'Tropical Storm Fay'. And sadly it's now been responsible for the deaths of five people. That's a serious issue but now I have to worry about what people now think about when they hear my name.

Will they say to themselves, "Oh yeah, Fay, that hilarious quirky, yet devastatingly handsome guy."? Or will they say, "Oh yeah, Fay, that pompous windbag who killed five and flooded my basement."?

It's a worrisome issue and I have proposed a solution to The National Weather Service or whoever decides on the naming of these phenomena. They should use numbers instead of names. 36671-C doesn't strike the same fear of say a Fay but it would save people so blessed with such a great name from the unnecessary hardship.

Just imagine how perfectly serviceable names can be ruined by these things... no one is going to touch Katrina with a one-hundred foot pole now. Unless, of course, they want their child to be a selfish watery shit who doesn't clean up their own messes.

And now on a completely different note, Padraig Harrington once again won a major, the PGA actually and it's his second major in three weeks and third overall. It's quite insane really, I never expected this and I feel as if I have been spoiled on incredible golf. He is now being touted as Tiger's main rival and being a tried and true fan of his for many years I could not be more overjoyed by my favorite athlete's success.

At least Ireland has one great sporting talent... I wish I could say so for the Olympics but alas those women and their ginger hair seem destined to finish last in every single race. Bring on the potato growing and eating contests!

Allow myself to introduce..., myself

Perhaps this is long overdue, at least I think it is. Haven't you all been wondering who the mastermind behind this amazing blog is anyway? The following is a question and answer session administered by myself and answered by myself.

#1: Who are you?
a: I am Steven Phillip Fay, although my middle name should not have had two L's in it, that was he mistake of a foolish hospital matron or whatever you call them.

#2: What are you?
a: First and formost, I am a man, although as I have mentioned earlier, my facial hair would beg to differ. But I am also a writer, a comedian, a critic, a (insult stereotype about angst here) teenager and a redhead with a slight, ahem... acne problem.

#3: Why are you?
a: Well I assume because one night back in 1989 my parents were bored with just my brother and nothing was on TV, but seriously I don't much believe in fate or destiny or anything like that. It would be nice but I think that we have to make the most of ourselves from the opportunities with which we are presented.

#4: What do you want to become?
a: A good question but one that I do not know the answer to. I know that I want to be a writer and I would love to have others read the opinions and ideas or commentaries of me in some fashion. I just want to have my voice heard in some shape or form but if that means being that drunk guy with the untucked flannel shirt who gets on the evening news or being the replacement for Stephen Colbert I don't know. It should be Steven by the way, his name isn't spelled right.

#5: Barbara Walters, Oprah, your wife. You gotta kill one, fuck one, marry one, what do you do?
a: No comment.

I'm a pretty unconventional guy, this is what I have been led to believe as well as what others have told me. I'm not exactly popular but I'm not unpopular either and I would like to believe that it would be hard to pigeonhole me into any sort of stereotype of someone my age (ie., emo, jock, nerd, prep...)

I have a close group of friends but we're by no means close minded. There's Hans, my best friend for 11 years and counting since 2nd grade. He's basically a taller and blonder version of me, sort of. I couldn't imagine my life without him. Then there's Jack, who holds a quiet respect about him but also a very unique and biting humor. I couldn't imagine my life without him either, or without that beard of his... Then there's Abby, who is basically a female version of me, and I mean that in the best possible way and she knows I do. We've only been good friends for a short time but as well as we both get along and have in common, it feels like much longer. Then there's Paige, who I've also known for a short time but we've gotten close quickly. She shares my passion for song as well as dance and is by far the most.... um, physical of my friends. Together, the five of us make the perfect cast for a television sitcom.

And there you have it, that's basically me, barring a whole lot of other pointless and bizarre minutia which you shall hear about soon enough.

Thoughts on the mysterious garage house and Hans

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the 'Garage House' it's quite a sight to behold. Located sort of over by Gatewood Elementary and Glen Lake Golf course it is a giant three car garage that is really like a small house. One time when I was snooping around the place while it was being built I noticed that there were rooms behind the car stalls and even bathrooms and a shower. A real bachelors paradise I assumed.

But there were other theories as well. The garage itself has been so fancy and the lot that it was built on so expansive that I just naturally assumed that a house would be built next to the garage as well. It never materialized and whether or not it has anything to do with finances that fell through or if it had been the intention of whoever it was all along to just build a trumped up garage I had no idea.

Then months later after the construction of the garage house came the strangest news yet. Allegedly a baby had been shaken to death by someone who lived in that house. That's quite disturbing, now not only am I worried about these people because they build really luxurious garages but also because they kill babies. Surely you would never leave a child to someone who had more garage space than home space right?

After that happened there has been relatively little coming out of the place as far as news or updates but when I drive by I occasionally see either a lot of cars parked in front of the place or some over grown man children playing basketball driveway. I don't know a whole lot about the people that inhabit that place but perhaps that is a good thing as maybe we would have nothing to talk about on account of how I have a house that is bigger than my garage and them vice versa.

Hans, a chum of mine recently alleged that he was a robot. His contention being that he is very calculating while I on the other hand am very much a feeling or instinctual guy. Perhaps I am but being the contrarian that I am I challenged his claims and even presented him with a situation to see how his mathematical and calculating brain would handle the situation.

-This is the situation for him now: "You're all alone with this girl, and you like her, you've known her for a couple of weeks but you haven't been physical yet. What do you do?"

Hans then basically told me that he would analyze the situation and then determine of what percent the chances of them 'being physical', my words not his, would be. He concluded to me that he would have to be around 100% certain before he made his decision. But here's the clincher now, basically all of us think this way really. He could try to make it sound more technical by using percents but basically we all have the same thoughts more or less.

While he may use a spreadsheet excel document to chart and categorize all of his music and I don't that's just fine because I can dance and carry a tune better than he can anyway. There's probably video and/or audio evidence to support that claim to that effect somewhere in the possession of either Abby or Paige...

To Hans: I say this because I care... I think. :^) (profile of my face, note the nose)